I love when men tell me to smile. It’s so, I don’t know, helpful. 

I mean, the idea to stop whatever I’m doing or saying or thinking in order to draw attention to myself — and especially my mouth — doesn’t ever dawn on me until the precise moment a random stranger with a penis walks by and says, Smile.

Clearly, these white knights are just being chivalrous, striving to rescue a damsel in obvious distress from her “resting bitch face.” (By the way, who came up with that title for a woman’s face? My guess—a random stranger with a penis.) Although I’ve yet to see a man do his good deed as he passes other knights on the street, I’m sure men walk by serious-faced men all the time and casually whisper, Smile.

Everyone looks better with a grin, and we all forget from time to time what our face is doing and what we really want it to be doing. Thank God for men—always so observant and not afraid to reach out to a vulnerable woman when she’s walking alone.

Sadly, thin-skinned women get offended by men who tell them to smile and are all, Who are you to tell me what to do, and, Death to the patriarchy! If women knew what was good for them, they’d just do what men say — and smile.

What’s the worst that could happen? I guess you could get brutally raped and murdered by Ted Bundy, but at least you’d have the attention of someone as smart and handsome as Ted Bundy! 

What man doesn’t like to see a woman smiling at him, even if he has no idea who she is? Ladies, smiling at a total rando is a great way to break the ice, second only to a hug, and really sends a positive message to all the men who share the sidewalk with us. 

If a man is so kind as to share space with me and encourage me to smile, knowing how much it will brighten my day, then I’m going to pay his random act of kindness forward to the men I casually pass on the street: 

Get rid of the bun.

Lose the shmedium shirt. 

Shave that thing collecting crumbs around your mouth.

Men love it when I tell them to do stuff — they’re so “equal rights” that way!

I’d tell them to smile while I was at it, but I’ve noticed they’re usually already doing that as they pass by — probably to inspire me to do the same. Always so thoughtful. What would I do without them?

Answer: Anything I wanted to.



Marissa Glover teaches and writes in central Florida and shares her thoughts more than necessary, which she considers a form of charitable giving. If it counted as a tax deduction, she’d be rich. Her work has appeared in various places including Blunt Moms and The Opiate and on her parents’ refrigerator.

Facebook link: https://www.facebook.com/marissagloverwriter




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