Dear Dumbass,

That was a great idea. You stuck your tongue down that other girl’s throat. Did you feel bad at all that it was your girlfriend’s friend? You know, our daughter—that girlfriend? When you let that other girl close to you and held her like she was special, did you think it was a good idea? Did you think at all?

You don’t need to answer any of that, because our daughter let you know. You didn’t think. It was wrong. That girl wasn’t special, and it was decidedly a bad idea.

Or was it?

When you came into our lives, we enjoyed your company. We could see how you looked at our girl with a mix of intrigue and aghast. You were right. She was too good for you. That’s what that look said to me and although I found it charming at first, I knew that our bright girl would eventually catch on. I had hoped the relationship would run its course and you would both have fun before going your separate ways with good memories intact. But you took that away from her, didn’t you? You didn’t give her the chance to see it coming. Selfish? Yes.

Not that you don’t have some redeeming qualities. You made our girl laugh with her whole body. You made her smile with her eyes. You made her find out what she needs in a relationship. You made her understand her worth. For that, I thank you.

Now I’d like to give you some unsolicited advice. Don’t lie to the next girl. There are some girls, like the one you sampled at that party, who you can say, “Baby, I love you.” And they will think you mean it. It might destroy their self-confidence in themselves forever, but you have decided that you are the only person who matters for right now, so it’s okay.

There are other girls, like our daughter. Who believe. They believe in romance, truth, and commitments. They might still look at you with lust, but behind those coquettish eyes is a glimmer you need to learn to recognize. It is the glimmer of hope. A future of talk-filled evenings, hand-holding, couch snuggles, arguments followed by making up. A future. These girls don’t go gently into that good kiss. They are sampling the hope.

Until you have it yourself, don’t lie to that girl with the glimmer. Tell them the truth. “Baby, I’ve just got to have you for tonight.” That will do. She may say yes, or she may say no. You’ll find a taker if your intentions are pure. You want sex, you can find a girl who’ll want it too. You want a connection? You need to be patient and you need to be ready. You need to see the hope for yourself first.

I will conclude with a word of thanks. You were a good first long-term boyfriend. We enjoyed having you around our daughter. We knew it wasn’t forever, but she didn’t, so we patiently accepted you. Thank you for showing your colours early. You told her how hurt you were when your daddy cheated on your mom and how you could never do that to a girl you liked. Thank you for cheating and lying and teaching our daughter to trust in herself.  To like herself enough to say, “That’s not right for me.” Thank you also for choosing her ‘friend.’ It taught our daughter to choose her friends wisely and cherish the ones who have her best interests at heart. Mostly, thanks for loving her like she hadn’t been loved even if it was for a short time. All we want for our children is for them to be happy, and for a time, she saw that in you. Now she gets the chance to see that in herself. You didn’t extinguish her hope. She still has her glimmer. That night you acted without thinking might have been the single best gift you could have given our girl. And for that, I’m grateful.


Not your future MIL and proud of it.


This writer has chosen to publish this piece anonymously. 


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