Do you ever just want to look someone in the eye and calmly say “bullshit”? It’s something I think about on a regular basis. Sometimes I actually do it but I’m not a social imbecile so I choose those times wisely. Here are some prime examples of when I would love to call someone out on their BS:
I hate drama.
Bullshit. You like drama just fine you just a) don’t want to be blamed for it b) know that other people’s drama makes you look better.
If I acted like that when I was a kid, I wouldn’t be here to tell you about it.
Bullshit. Call your mom right now. Ask her what an obnoxious little shit you could be when you wanted to. Parents “back in your day” didn’t just off their kids every time they talked back
My kid will not act like that.
Bullshit. Your kid WILL act like that. Probably even worse. Kids can be assholes
and sometimes there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it. And people will give you the stink eye just like you give to parents right now.
I’m not racist but…
Bullshit. If you have to start a sentence with I’m not (insert word here) but, you are most likely whatever you are claiming not to be.
Bullshit. To every single one of them.
I’m going to fit into these too small jeans (again) someday.
Bullshit. No you aren’t. Stop torturing yourself like that. Box up all those clothes that you don’t quite fit into and give them to goodwill. Go buy something that fits and you feel good in.
Tattoos of Asian symbols on non Asian people or by non Asian speaking artists.
Bullshit. You think it says “loyalty” but it actually says “noodles. True story folks.
Bullshit. Just cut that shit out. The world is not your garbage can. Douche bag
I can go all day eating nothing but a rice cake
Bullshit. You get through the first 8 hours and feel mighty freaking good about yourself. But come 10:00pm you are going to go all Oprah and start stuffing your face with things you would not even consider eating if you weren’t “hunger insane”. Shit like frozen hot dog buns and pancake syrup. You are going to feel so bad.
Bullshit. One day way in the future people (or whatever it is that takes over when we are gone) are going to look back at this “reality” shit we watch now and call this the “Idiot Era”. They will wonder how we managed to survive as long as we did on such few brain cells.
Bullshit. You do NOT need to take 52 pills a day at $5.23 a pill to lose weight.
Let’s have it. What do YOU call bullshit on?