There she is. That mom of 3. The mom whose kids each have a different dad. Every mom knows about her. She’s a major Gossip Topic. Murmurs of “Slut” and “It’s called a condom” can occasionally be heard in her wake. Seemingly oblivious to the comments and stares, she gets what she needs and herds her kids out to the car. After her kids are safely in their seats, after she climbs behind the steering wheel, something happens that she’ll never let the hecklers see: her shoulders roll forward, her head drops, and her eyes fill with tears. She heard everything that was said. And it hurts.
I am that mom. All 3 of my daughter’s have a different dad. And I catch hell from people for it. Let’s face it, the typical stereotype of a Multi Baby Daddy (MBD) mom isn’t flattering: Drug addicted, lives on Welfare, doesn’t take care of their kids, always getting in trouble with the law, having kids to collect paychecks, etc. I am none of these. I am actually farther from the stereotype than you would think.
One of the major differences between me and a stereotypical MBD is that I don’t really sleep around, and never have. So, why do my kids have different dads? That’s easy. I made a couple of mistakes: Husband1 and Husband2. And I mean mistakes in the best way. I’m not one of those moms who holds a grudge against the fathers of my girls. I don’t view them as a bad part of my past; just as lessons that I needed to learn. Besides, those mistakes helped to create 2 of the greatest gifts I have ever received. And the good parts of our relationships were amazing. Unfortunately, I lied to myself in both relationships and convinced myself that this was the guy for me, I wanted to spend my life with only this man. And, both times, I proved myself wrong.
Having kids with different dads, trying to juggle visitations between everyone, and truly co-parenting is a hassle all in itself. My girls’ fathers and I are in touch quite often discussing school, vacations, who’s visiting who for holidays, etc. A daunting task under normal circumstances, which is further complicated by my oldest living overseas with her dad. The amount of work that goes into planning time with all 3 of my girls isn’t something I would wish on anyone. And the stress it can cause the adults takes it’s toll on our relationships with each other. Still, we try not to argue, or act like visiting one side of the family is more important than the other. Every decision is made based on the best interest of the child involved, not on personal agendas or egos. Co-parenting is hard enough between 2 parents. Do you honestly think co-parenting between 3 parents is any easier?
What about child support? I have to get money from their dads, right? Actually, I don’t. I have no need for their money. I can provide for them just fine. I receive money from the VA every month. That is enough to take care of my kids. I even paid my oldest’s dad for a couple years, until I became disabled. Since then I’ve taken to sending her home every school year with new clothes and supplies, to help lighten the burden on her dad. I am financially stable without child support.
Wait, what about my youngest daughter? I didn’t mention her, or her father. That’s another way I’m different: I learned from my past mistakes. My fiancé and I have been together for almost 5 years, which is longer than my other 2 marriages, combined. Our relationship feels more stable than my last 2, and I’m pretty sure I’m truly in love with him. Our daughter and my older girls are no different with each other than any other siblings. They play with each other, fight with each other, love each other, and even hate each other from time to time. We all understand that, although our lives are complicated, there is no lack of love between us all.
Next time you see that mom you’ve heard about thru your local WineVine, the one who “doesn’t know how to keep her legs shut”, don’t be so quick to judge. Moms get enough shade from each other, on every other aspect of their lives. Don’t fall that low. Remember that your “innocent” gossip about her sex life is also gossip about her truly innocent children.
This author has chosen to tell her story anonymously.