Chances are that you’re familiar with the expression that “three kids is the new two”.
I am.
Five person families are everywhere; a phenomena seen across many diverse demographics.
I should be used to the numbers by now but, as it turns out, I’m not as adaptable as I like to think. The truth is, every time that I’m exposed to a family with more than two children I’m blindsided and then I’m surprised (again) at my own failure to reconcile this growing (no pun intended) trend.
I have spent many a day processing my bewilderment and even more hours scrutinizing what values or circumstances motivate and support the having of more kids.
Sadly, I haven’t gotten very far…
Possible theories:
1. The mother in question still has a functional vagina after birthing her second child.
2. The parents have a lot of sex with the vagina in question.
3. The operational and frisky vagina is unfamiliar with birth control.
4. The operational and frisky vagina is a believer in the big guy who graced her with baby making parts and abstains from using birth control.
5. The functional and religious vagina is rich.
Clearly my analysis is flawed. We all know that parents don’t do a lot of humping, even preschoolers know about contraceptives, and most families of this day and age, regardless of size, live in a very average and unfortunately common state of financial discomfort.
So, only two explanations are plausible:
The lady bits remain intact and the owners of these resilient units have a devout faith in God.
I’ll pray for them.
4 Comments
Bahahahaa. This is EXACTLY how I feel about having more than two. Sometimes my ovaries flirt with me and offer me a drink, urging me to have another glass of wine and pull out my own IUD. Thankfully there’s not enough wine in the world to make me forget the holes my kids have put in the walls, nor the ones I put in the walls in my post-partum psychosis. YAY for birth control. YAY for no sex after child #2. YAY for religion… wait… no scratch the last one.
Heck, that’s how I feel about having more than one.
Clearly I don’t have one of those vaginas for I only have two lovely little children!
Hilarious. Good thing I took precautions and put my glass of wine down before reading this!
Oh how I wish I felt this way. It happens sometimes, usually when I inadvertently fart in the cold cuts section and realise that my relatively unscathed vjj is not the problem….