In a private Facebook group consisting of about 150 women, the following question was posed:

“Multiple Orgasms: Fact or fiction?”

I responded early in the thread that I knew multiple orgasms were a fact, but that I hadn’t quite figured it out for myself.

Then everyone else chimed in, and I soon learned how many different ways one can smugly type the word “fact.”


Here, with understated caps and a simple period, we have a falsely modest multiple orgasmer who is obviously really saying: “So sorry you haven’t figured out your body yet. I’m so glad I’ve figured out mine and therefore have many, many more orgasms than you.”


The lower case letters plus multiple exclamation points in this iteration read to me as less smug and more thrilled/elated, thus hinting at only a recent discovery of multiple orgasms: “I just figured this out like three weeks ago! This is honestly the best thing ever to happen in my life!”


Okay, caps and an exclamation point? I suspect this person typed her comment while sitting on a vibrator and exploding with her third orgasm. Simmer down a little, sister.


Really??? Shouty caps with the entirely unnecessary and brazenly vulgar addition of the word “definitely”? Why don’t you just rub your multiple orgasms right in my face? Actually, don’t. That sounds gross. Stay where you are.

As more “fact” comments flooded the thread, I found myself becoming increasingly uncomfortable. I began to honestly wonder if I was defective. I mean, I have to work really hard to achieve just one orgasm. The laundry has to be done, the bills have to paid, the fan must be off, I can’t have sweat dripping down my butt crack, and my legs have to be spread symmetrically. If one is spread farther than the other it drives me absolutely crazy, and not in a good way. On top of all of that, I still have to conjure up naughty fantasies about cheerleader gang bangs or The Pharaoh and the Pretty Slave… all just to attain that one single orgasm.

Of course, being me, I can’t leave well enough alone. After about 40 “fact” comments, I had to say: “Fuck all you ladies.” The other group members thought I was hilarious, and also… that I needed some coaching.

The thread quickly turned into an orgasm-tutoring session… just for me! So exciting! Sure, not “multiple orgasms” exciting, but hey, a single-orgasm girl like me takes what she can get!

“Here, try this $200 vibrator. Trust me.”

Well shit. I don’t own a single sex toy. Am I supposed to? Are my husband’s fingers, tongue, and penis not enough? Am I doing everything totally ass-backwards? (Or perhaps, given the subject material, not ass-backwards enough?) Also, I can feed my family for a week and a half on $200. I am kind of curious to try out that vibrator, but is there a generic version? Or am I supposed to care enough about my orgasms to pay good money for high-quality sex toys? Maybe I can find a Groupon.

“Try it first by yourself; once you’ve got it, you can teach your husband.”

Believe me, I have tried by myself. Granted I don’t own a vibrator, but I have some pretty agile fingers, a smart phone, and Wi-Fi. Oh yes, I have tried. But I’m usually so exhausted after chasing down the first orgasm that I have zero energy left to go digging around for another.

“Do you know where your G-spot is?”

Yeah, I know where my G-spot is, thankyouverymuch. Sometimes I even use that sucker to hunt that ever-elusive magical unicorn, the single orgasm! Yay!!


I know these women were just trying to help, but the conversation left me feeling… incomplete. Less than. Not woman enough.

So what I want to know is this: Is it really so common to have multiple orgasms? Why did only two other women in that group of 150 comment that they also couldn’t get off twice in a row? I feel like a freak; I need to know I’m not alone here. Ladies? Are you out there? Why is the talk always about how hot and steamy and frequent and orgasmic sex is? Where are the women who are more like me, who have to work at it?

Talk to me.


Kristen Mae is a novelist, freelancer, classical musician, and artist. Follow her on Abandoning Pretense, and check out her books, Beyond the Break and Red Water, available now at most online booksellers.


  1. I feel your pain. I got to ride that magical mystery unicorn just once 15 years ago. For sure it was amazing but the experience never happened again.

    My motto is to go slow and enjoy the ride. So much of the pleasure should be about the journey not the destination.

    I take solace that my one good orgasm is better than the many women who have to fake it.

    Hugs from a fellow monogasm girl.

    • Ha! I’ll take a hug… maybe it’ll help me relax. Which, apparently, is one of the keys to achieving multiples. 😉

  2. Dude. Brah. It takes me for just one even with his mouth and dancing phalanges. That’s on a good day. And trust me, boys got some skills. I still don’t have the heart to tell him it doesn’t happen with his little (not little! normal! bigger than normal! amazing!) buddy. Feels good, but just nope.

  3. I would have to say that I’m still chasing the illusive multiple orgasms as well. I don’t know what to do, and like you, the work for the first one is already a day’s work in just a few minutes. Would love some guidance.

    • There are some good tips in the comments! I read an article about the anatomy of the clitoris today… that was enlightening. Not sure how much it will really help me here, though. Haha

  4. I just want to curl up and sleep if I can get even one….I just don’t have the energy for all that

  5. Colleen Forrester Reply

    Never had one – would love to know what it feels like. Actually, haven’t had sex in a year so there’s that. Oh, and I don’t squirt either.

  6. I can’t even achieve one…it’s been a long time for even the one. Maybe you can feel better now??

  7. After seven years of no orgasms, due to PTSD drugs following Iraq, I am just now finding my stride, think, might be wrong. I can just about get one every time, however, it does take a stroll down naughty fantasy road to get there. Oh…and I have to be on top for it to work. No matter how hard my hubby works, how creative he is…just the one. I sometimes feel like I am close to a second O but I just get stuck at almost. That is worse to me. Then after sex he is sleepy and relaxed and I am all turned on again with no relief for my horny self. Anyways, if you discover the secrets to the multiple O, you must let us know.

  8. After only being with my (ex)husband for 15 years I hooked up with an ex boyfriend. I not only had multiple for the first time, but it was the first time ever during sex. Not sure of the hows & whys but it totally diff. then what I was used to for so many years.

  9. I know it’s the last thing you want to hear, but, relax. And I don’t just mean chill out, but really relax. Breathe, get a little zen and in touch (literally) with yourself. And you don’t need a $200 vibrator, a $40-50 model works just fine. Let it do the work while you focus on the sensations. And I’ll tell you, I can have multiples but only if I’m really in the mood and have no other distractions.

  10. It is very possible to achieve, but the moon, stars and vibe have to be in line! I don’t think I actually knew what an orgasm was until I met my current other half. The fact that the first, BIG O I/we achieved, was followed by the new found knowledge that I too can squirt was a huge suprise for both of us. Needless to say, I have found that you will need:
    1. A good powerful vibe, extra batteries if it’s a cheaper one
    2. Lube, water based, so if need be you can use saliva to re-work it’s slickness.
    4. Time….
    I have found putting a pillow under my hips, so that my pelvis is tilted forward helps alot with penetrationand and making it easier for him to hit the spot. It could take up to half an hour, of positioning my clit and the vibe in just the right spot, but you’ll know when you get it. When I can’t hold out any more, I’ll get him to stick it in, and use semi-forceful thrusts, slowly, then it’s just a matter of time till you hit climax…..DONT STOP THERE!
    have him bury himself deep inside and not move, continue to use the vibe, and don’t give up. The biggest barrier, is getting over the facT that you’ll potentially soak the sheets, and make a huge mess.
    At lest that’s what works for me almost every single time!

  11. I know this is months old but figured I would share my technique. Maybe it will work for you too. I don’t ever use sex toys just my hand. After the first one, instead of using my fingers, I use my open palm, it a the only way that works for me. A little pressure and some speed (I have to be lubed either naturally or artificiality as well.) Start immediately after the wave of pleasure from the first O has come to an end. Go faster than you normally would for the first one, and think your dirtiest thoughts. When I first found this trick it took me a good 5 minutes in between, but now I can pop out a 2nd, 3rd, 4th very quickly. Reaching my 1st one is the hardest, but once I’ve gotten there my body responds rapidly to the continued stimulation. Practice is key. Good luck!

  12. Get a vibrator! Even a $50 one is better than nothing, but yes more expensive ones do often work better. Really!
    My other love is a detachable shower head.

    I’ve had maybe 2 orgasms (in 15 years) that weren’t assisted in such a manner.
    Get that mechanical help, it’s *amazing*. Especially when you find the right vibrator for you. There’s a lot of variety out there, presumably because people are all so different!

  13. I don’t get them Either. No sweat. If one is great-I am sure more would be wonderful. But seriously, two c-sections, weight gain in the wrong places, and life, keep me from really CARING. If I can get the one, I am usually pretty good.
    And there are toys middle priced, but don’t buy from Groupon, you need to see them in person. 🙂

  14. I have never had multiple orgasms during sex either, I’m lucky to just get one, despite all my husbands hard work I just don’t cum easily, I sometimes wonder if I’m too uptight and over thinking it all, usually during sex, which is not conducive to orgasming ?
    I’m better with a vibe…

  15. I thought this article would be more on the lines of women that don’t get to experience orgasms at all… just be grateful you have them because there are some women me who don’t get to experience that g spot type orgasm during sex… it only happens for me on the big C… can’t do anything about it.

  16. I hate to tell you this, but it’s true. However, when I was married I was exactly like that – it took so much work to reach that first orgasm. Upon ending my marriage, I was determined to have the best possible sex life I could, so I committed to creating the best possible experience, completely solo. Yes, get a vibrator. Go to your local shop and ask the people there what they recommend (and don’t get freaked out by the MASSIVE dildos on display!). Most importantly, learn how to do it yourself, au natural. All of this helped when I decided to take a lover. To my immense good fortune, he was a tantric master. I swear I am not bullshitting when I tell you we would spend hours having sex, me literally gushing like a fountain, and once even orgasming by hearing his voice. One time we counted, for posterity, how many orgasms I could have – we stopped counting after 80. Before meeting this man (he was 58 at the time) I had never orgasmed from intercourse. After 3 years, I still don’t bother keeping track.
    There are a lot of great resources available online. Layla Martin, Adina Rivers, Kim Anami; check them out. Love yourself, believe it is possible, and don’t give up! I’m 49 and having the best sex of my life, and I will never again settle for anything less. Go easy on yourself – you don’t know what you don’t know. But oh, once you know!! xo

  17. We should change this mindset of sex toys being taboo because using sex toys and being comfortable with talking about them actually has a lot of benefits.

  18. Just as communication, trust, and respect are vital in a relationship, a safe and satisfying sex life is also a significant factor that helps keep the embers of romance and passion burning. So jump into pleasure, seduce your partner, and have fun in the bedroom with adult sex toys and enjoy the benefits they bring.

  19. I can take 10 seconds to orgasm or hours. A lot of it depends on where I’m at mentally. If I’m rested, relaxed, super in the mood, then I can fire off multiples with little effort on my husband’s part. If I’m not in the right head space then he could be the best lover in existence and it still won’t happen. That’s just my experience.

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