Can I be blunt?

[Reminds me of when people say “Can I be honest?”…and I want to say “No thanks, please be DIShonest.”

Like really…oops, I digress… this might be a future blog post…]



Can I be blunt? Damn straight I can.

It’s just that it’s typically five minutes…or five YEARS after we’ve had the conversation.

Yep, coming up with a zinger or a snappy comeback for someone who really needs to be set straight it is not by forte, but man am I good at thinking of all the things I coulda-woulda-shoulda said after the fact.

Take my neighbour, for example. We share cocktails. We chat in driveways and over backyard fences. We get together with and without husbands and kids.

And every single time I walk away from one of our conversations, I come home and tell hubby what she said this time. It is always with a big, beautiful smile on her face that she inserts a size 8 in her mouth. Except that, I don’t even think she puts her foot in her mouth–because I’m sure she doesn’t realize how hurtful some of her comments really are.

So I’m here to tell you

Dear Neighbour,

Remember that day five years ago when we were all sitting around in our lawn chairs at the park and everyone in the circle had recently lost their mothers? And you went around the group calling people out…”Sally, you’re having a hard time”….and “Liz, you’re really struggling without your mom”….and “Vicki, what a tough year you’ve had”…and…

And then you looked at me and said, “But you, Mary, you seem fine.”

I’m here to tell you…albeit five years later…that that hurt like hell. I had lost my mom seven months earlier and who the hell do you think you are to tell me…in a public/social setting…that I’m FINE. I wasn’t fine. I’m not fine. I’m likely never going to be fine again.

So, can I be blunt?

Think before you speak, damn it.

And then maybe I’ll be fine.


An amazing collection of bright women who somehow manage to work, play, parent and survive and write blog posts all at the same time. We are the BLUNTmoms, always honest, always direct and surprising hilarious.


  1. Holding on to that gripe for the off handed remark of an extrovert for so long is the equivalent of poisoning yourself to spite her. Very passive aggressive are you says Yoda.
    Tell her it hurt, I guarantee she will not remember having said it, and will walk a little bit more carefully around sensitive little you.
    When somebody tells me they have been gnawing on something I said for a long time, I file them in a special folder in my head to treat a bit more carefully and label it “thin skin”. If she gives a crap about you at all, you will find her to be more cautious.

  2. Wow, what an upsetting thing for someone to say to you. I am sorry that you are hurting, and I am sorry about the loss of your mom.

    I can never think of the right thing to say either in the moment. But sometimes it’s a good thing because we can’t take the words back if we regret them if they pop out in the heat of the moment. Plus it gives us something to write about later! Although the next time that she asks you how you are, it WOULD be awfully tempting to say “I’m fine. But you KNOW that already DON’T you?”

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