I’ve been disappointed a lot in my life. Not necessarily from a lot of people but the disappointments have been big ones. Huge.  Almost crippling some of them

I know that I expect too much out of people.  I know this yet there doesn’t seem to be much I can do about it. Honestly, I’ve tried.  The only solution I can come up with, that works for me, is to simply not count on people.  If I don’t expect anything of you then you can’t disappoint me.


Why do I have such high expectations?  Well part of it is I just basically think people deserve the benefit of the doubt. I like to believe that people are good.  I know that not all of them are,  but for the most part I think I’m a pretty good judge of character, so if I trust you and you let me down it’s kind of a big deal.


I also blame my mother.  Seriously. Her expectations on me growing up (and beyond) were big.  Far too big for a kid. And it didn’t matter how hard I tried it was never quite good enough.


 But this isn’t about my mother.  This is about you.  You disappointed me.  Hurt me even.


I thought that we were friends.  As different as we are, and we most certainly are, I really felt that we shared a lot of the same values. That we were more or less on the same wave length.  We talked openly and honestly and although I was never under the impression that we were “besties”,  I thought we were friends.


Then something happened.  Not to me or not between us but something happened to you.   And you thought that I didn’t need you anymore.  But you see I wasn’t in it for what you could do for me.  I was in it just because I like you.  The other stuff was icing but to be honest icing is overrated.  It’s sticky and too much of it just leaves you feeling sick. The best part of a cake is not the icing.  It’s the cake.


Maybe you don’t like cake? Or maybe you’ve had enough cake?  I don’t know.


On my disappointment scale this one is pretty minor, because frankly you’d have to do something epic to even hit the top ten.  So, it’s not something I lose sleep about.  But I just thought you should know.

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  1. It’s hard when friendships change or end. Have you tried talking to her about these feelings? I hope you work it out. I love the icing analogy!

  2. I’m sad that you’re sad. I wish that people could be happy all the time and that life was fair. Sucks that it doesn’t work that way.

    I too believe that people are good. At least 98% of the time. I’ve solved the 2% of the problem by not getting close to too many people. Works for me.

    P.S. My Father is your Mother. And we all know that you Can’t Pick your Family (https://bluntmoms.com/you-cant-pick-your-family/).


  3. People can be assholes. Somebody I admired a lot advised me with this gem, and I have always relied on it to get me through. Maybe it will help:

    “Nobody gets up in the morning thinking about ways to let you down or piss you off. It just happens.”

    I take that to mean that people are so wrapped up in their own agendas/insecurities/neurosis/happiness whatever, that they more through the world without noticing it.

  4. If people disappoint you that hard, that often, time you evaluate your expectations. And why it is you expect so much.

  5. simonsaysMommy Reply

    Actually it sounds like this is about your Mom. Maybe evaluate that a bit more.

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