I Am NOT Mr. Rogers
And I don’t want you to be my neighbour.
I generally get along quite well with most people. Well, except for the ones that I hate. And a good deal of them seem to live within 200 feet of me.
Why is it that I can get along with people in most environments, but my neighbours make me want to build a moat and adopt a dragon? Maybe it’s me?
Of COURSE it’s not me!
It’s definitely them.
The family on our left treats life as one big party/motocross race. They have more trucks than they have brains parking spaces, so there is endless juggling of vehicles, resembling a 4×4 version of the Shriner Cars on parade. And they have modified every single one of their crappy trucks to have gigantic tailpipes and loud mufflers. (I think there is some compensating happening there.)
Their remote car starters are going to be the death of me. The 20 minutes of idling that makes my house shake because their driveway is right under my window is what is going to figuratively kill me. The exhaust that gathers on my front porch is going to be the literal killer.
And they have a boat, sea-doo, dirt bag bike, motorcycle, and a pocket bike. We don’t even live near the water. WHY do you have a friggen boat that you constantly need to repair in your driveway???
The middle “child” is around 23 or so, and the other day he jumped a snow bank with the pocket bike onto the sidewalk while my kids were playing outside. Although I do have to say that I like him far better now than I did when he was a teenager. He and his older brother had constant sing-alongs in the backyard around their stinky chimnea. The singing would go until 2 am a lot of nights, and the dad was right out there with them, deep in the throes of a mid-life crisis. And I do not know what they were burning in their fires, but the fumes were toxic, and with my asthma we could never have our windows open. You’re not even supposed to use chimneas in town. My favourite member of that family, other than the mom (who I am going to assume is either oblivious to it all or is tied up in the basement) is the youngest daughter, because at least her party caused the chimnea to explode, and the crazy neighbour behind us to lose his shit. I think after that they were too scared to replace it.
The parties have miraculously settled down, so we are getting along much better with them, but the lava is still boiling under the surface. Like every time someone comes to visit and they have nowhere to park because of the neighbour’s fleet of vehicles. Or how he is all friendly to our guests so that we will look like the crazy ones when we inevitably begin our rant. He even handed barbecued fish over the fence to a guest. Just because we can see each other over the fence doesn’t mean that we are hanging out together!!
Of course these people quickly become our favourite neighbours when you consider the one on the other side who was charged with a felony.
What they say is right…you really can’t choose your neighbours.
Or sell their houses behind their backs.
Don’t ask me how I know that.
