I give blow jobs on birthdays.  It’s my thing.

Oh Christ, don’t get me wrong, I don’t suck off everyone on their birthday.

Just my husband.  It’s our thing.

Oh, I know there are other BLUNTmom’s that perform oral sex on a very normal basis. But, not me.


I’m not in high school   I’m an adult.  And I choose to not suck dick.

Why you ask? Why wouldn’t I want to please my husband this way? because I don’t want to anymore.  I have sucked that train dry. I don’t give blow jobs because I don’t want to anymore.

Except on birthdays.

There are even Birthdays that I conveniently forget.

When my once a year duty to get down on my knees passes to the wayside.

And I feel bad about it. Guilty even.

So, I created the one week blow job pass.

After my husbands birthday he has one week to claim his  5 minutes of slobbery sucking glory.  After that it is forfeited for an entire year.

Sucks to be you, buddy.


An amazing collection of bright women who somehow manage to work, play, parent and survive and write blog posts all at the same time. We are the BLUNTmoms, always honest, always direct and surprising hilarious.


  1. I literally laughed my ass off. Seriously, it’s gone now. Hilarious post!

  2. I can’t even imagine the number of women who read this and said “Why the hell didn’t I think of that????”
    Go forth ladies, tell him that you are retiring from knob gobbling except for once a year.
    I am totally doing that… Brilliant.

  3. I bow down to you on my non carpet burned knees. This is brilliant and damn hilarious and if I thought I could talk my husband into agreeing to this, I so would.

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